Am I Lazy?

Is it being lazy if your not doing it because it's a lot of work? Is it being lazy if you know someone else doesn't mind doing it considering it'll take a fraction of the time and effort? Is it being lazy if you just CAN'T do it?

I know what your thinking, the word cant doesn't exist but when it comes to physical limitations it most definitely does. I will one hundred percent agree with anyone who says you can do anything you set your mind to, only when it comes to dreams, jobs and opportunity. However, some things are physically impossible.

Often times with a physical disability that doesn't include a wheelchair, I feel like I'm in the gray area. I'm still expected to feel great and do everything because I'm quite mobile But, truthfully picking up that dirty t-shirt off the ground isn't just a bend and snap off of legally blonde. The bending isn't the problem, a quick drop at the hips, the hand grabs the t-shirt and… now i'm stuck. The difficult part is lifting the upper body back into standing position due to weak hip flexors.

So my question is, am I lazy for not picking up that sock I dropped, even though I can physically pick it up but choose not to because of how exhausting it is? To some people they may think, if your physically able, struggle or not your still able to do it so, yes you are lazy. But being in the body gives you a whole other perspective.

I will admit sometimes I take advantage of the people around me and their ability to do things so easily and effortlessly but here are 2 specific reasons why.

Whenever I drop something or if a group of people get up from the table to leave from a restaurant, other people's attention instantly gravitates towards me. Now imagine having to do something you already struggle doing while having multiple eyes judging you (not in a bad way). They keep watching because it's out of their normalcy and there minds begin to work wondering why it is i'm having difficulty. But what the watchers don't realize is how it interferes with my abilities. Not because i'm afraid of being judged although at one point I will admit that would have been the case but because it's intimidating. My hands and feet begin to sweat, my hips lock and all of a sudden I need help causing more attention.

If in front of my parents, family or friends I avoid doing the things that make it difficult for me because I can feel the pitty and I can see it in their eyes. I feel a sense of disappointment. Even though it's so out of my control; I feel responsible for how the disability has evolved and how maybe if I had taken better care of myself maybe it would have been less aggressive but I'll never know if that's true.

As a normal human being I want to be liked and accepted by all. I want to represent my parents in my manners, my respect for others and the world around me but truth be told as much as I want to pick up that hanger I dropped at the store there isn't anything around me I can hold onto that'll allow me to lift it back up. So I look like a spoiled princess when I ask whoever is around me to pick it up. However, I could have just walked away.

With Muscular Dystrophy the hardest concept is muscle preservation. Even if I can walk 2 km should I be over using my muscles? Sometimes I find myself at a battle between wanting to do it for the feeling of accomplishment but then forget the long term effects. But although I'm supposed to be preserving muscle strength I also need to follow the you don't use it you lose it rule. I find myself out of routine if I'm not doing something for so long. Although I feel less tired by not doing that activity I also don't want to forget or lose the ability to do it on my own.

It all comes down to balance. I'd like to think it's okay to be lazy SOMETIMES. It's okay to not want to pick up that one sock if someone else is standing on the other side of the room. It's also okay to see a little pity in people's eyes because then you can address it. You can tell them that you can still do it and that's all that matters!! Acknowledging that you would do it if you could do it is beyond lazy. If you can wake up and be the best version of yourself every single day. That is not lazy. Some days are better than others and that's okay because, we are human and we are allowed to have bad days, our bodies are allowed to have bad days. How we go about those bad days is what determines the answer to the initial question.

So, are you lazy?

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